in the end it all comes back to the beginning, that goes without saying, she said.

unnecessary, all of it. the words, the pictures, or the lack of them.

yeah, it's raining again. as my dad would say, aw shit.

but then he'd turn away from the back door and go do something, to keep busy. I don't call him near as often as I should, and not even near as often as near as often. I'm a very lost and wandering daughter, and lacking in so many ways.

it's not that love isn't there, and respect. it's just me, tangled up in myself and sometimes trying so hard not to slip away from everything that I keep myself away from it, in a perverse sort of self-defense. sometimes it's hard to connect, with the disconnection-to-come weighing so heavy.

and again, that's no excuse. it's just one of those days when lack is most evident, and loss is everywhere, but it wouldn't hurt so badly if I didn't hold it so tightly and let it bite into me the way it so suddenly does.