Monday, January 12, 2009

I just took some cool self-portraits on the outside of the shed.



silhouettes, very low light.

this isn't one of those, it's just a cameraphone picture from some other day in the shed, can't remember which exactly.

the pictures tonight are on my digital camera, the poor beat-up thing. I still haven't printed them. I keep deleting some, taking more, deleting again. I don't want to put the files on the computer, I'll never do anything with them. I want to go in somewhere and just print off all the files, even just regular photo size. though I do think some would be nice blown up (if grainy) and even big on paper I could add details to with pen, that would be fun, doesn't have to be serious glossy photo paper. (plus it's probably cheaper. I hate spending money. at least not until I sell something. I realize people will say well, you have to spend money to make money. I don't care for that argument. I'd like to make money and then spend money, thanks very much. I'm aware this is probably somewhat unrealistic. again, oh dear. I'm stubborn, it's true. sometimes persistent to the point of near-ridiculousness. but I figure at some point in our continuing discussion, the universe and I will come to some sort of understanding as far as art and money are concerned, and I'm hopeful that the universe will see reason at some point and realize that, when I'm a determined woman, I generally get my way, either through charm or through sheer -

oh shut up already, the universe will say at that point. fine, whatever, you win.

just stop talking, okay?

(ha. just like a woman. always wanting the last word.)

yes, I know, it's just isolated bits of nonsense. I comfort myself with the knowledge (the belief? the hope, maybe, yes, the hope, definitely.) that I'm only seemingly incoherent because I'm speaking not only in tongues but in several of them at once.

I still have that novel to write, about the middle-aged woman who leaves everything to live over a bar and sing blues at night and sleep until noon, and the big ruckus between the pentecostal church and the strippers. or not. whatever. ah, the bliss, just the release of the ideas, as they come, as they go, and not a care at all for the sense of them. or the sensibilities that might be so delicately, so pruriently offended.

I did sit down to write something sensible. but this was more fun. I'm too lazy to spellcheck and since I switched to safari and this mac (which I'm growing more fond of, by the day) I don't get the same spellchecking window come up, and I don't like that, so I'm just not using it. so it won't be until later, if at all, that I notice the errors and inconsistencies.

4 comments:

Pauline said...

ah Shara - life is full of errors and inconsistencies :) Would love to see your self-portrait photos.

shara said...

mine certainly seems to be, pauline, and when I'm in a positive frame of mind and seeing through that particular filter, even the errors and inconsistencies seem to be both necessary and even, sometimes, pleasant. I suppose serendipitous would be the word I'd use, except that it's so over-used, and so I immediately want something else, but really, it's not serendipity's fault, so I suppose I should just go ahead and use it and go back to doing whatever it was I was doing (carving plaster! free, from a very nice woman giving away plaster molds on craigslist) and stop this longwinded and meandering response to your cheery comment.

Pauline said...

ah but it's the discussion in the comment section that I look forward to. We reveal so much of ourselves sometimes without meaning to that they become almost as important as the posts themselves.

shara said...

if something is knowingly revealed I suppose it's artifice, would you say so? so it's the artlessness then that appeals.

I decided to unload most of the pictures from the camera to the computer, but leave some on to be printed next payday. so now I've got a few hundred more to sort through, the shed silhouette pictures are on there, when I sift that far I'll post them. right now it's time to get quiet reading time going, and maybe an early night for everyone. it's been a good day, but I'm tired and it would be so sweet if I could get the girls in bed early enough that I could prop myself up in bed with all sorts of pillows and blankets and watch my netflix movie. I just sent back the king and I (I watched it with the girls, we all cried) and before that it was impromptu (I watched it with my husband, it wasn't bad) and tonight it's jesus camp. I'm so far behind on movies that all these choices are surprises to me, I made the list last year.