interests and impulses come and go as they will, and for the most part I'm happy to follow them. this isn't to say that following tangents where they lead is necessarily a good thing as far as self-development goes; I suppose the imposition of some structure, some discipline, would prove useful. I'm in the lucky and not-so-lucky position to have my days free and little demands placed on me, while my husband goes to work to support the family and my little daughters go to school. so I keep the house (but barely, lately) and amuse myself with painting or writing, reading or singing. I'm "living the dream", I've been told. I'm a kept woman, a lady of leisure.
we're not well-off and sometimes we eat lean the days before payday but we have a nice little brown house and a lovely little hybrid that gets good gas mileage and we have simple tastes for the most part. I buy my clothes at the thrift store and own two inexpensive pairs of shoes. I have a small personal allowance that goes on treats for the girls and sometimes paint for me, but I don't buy much. I have books I love but not enough to fill more than a few shelves on the bookshelf I still don't have but will break down and buy someday.
don't worry about the money, says my husband. you don't have to go to work unless you want to. it pleases his masculine pride to support us. and it feels right to him, his father having done the same. it suits his conception of what it means to be a man, to be a father and husband. just make your art and be happy.
so sometimes I do, and I am.
and sometimes I don't, and I'm not.
and there's a lesson there, don't you think?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
apparently I'm in the feast stage as far as writing goes.
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4 comments:
if being "kept" encourages this kind of stunning artistic expression, I say stay kept ;)
thank you for the compliment pauline. I'm so rarely satisfied with anything I make or do, but that's just the way I am. all I see is what I don't like about it, what could be better. but now and then I'm pleased, I get a momentary sort of release from the everpresent "what makes you think this nonsense is worth wasting time that could be spent doing laundry or earning an honest living" voice.
every once in a while I get the urge to go back to school. partly it's just because I think I'd be able to relive all the deep and incomprehensible conversations I had when I was at university many years ago, and my brain would stretch some, and relax, and I'd be able to focus and get something accomplished. but there's the expense of it, and the driving back and forth, and for what? I don't need a degree in anything, I already have a degree gathering dust. but the thought of access to materials and studios and being around other people making things and learning things is very appealing.
but for the moment (apart from the moments when I'm feeling dark and hopeless and nothing seems to have a point or a purpose) I'm content to be wife and mother when I need to, and then follow my "artistic" impulses and urges the rest of the time. if I keep at it, I might someday making something I like enough to have on my wall. I may someday splurge and treat myself to a really big canvas, a whole set of nicely made brushes and thick lush paint.
I too, am "living the dream." Free days to paint and sculpt. On a budget, but not really wanting for anything. Content.
Shara I've seen some of your work, and it most certainly could adorn your walls beautifully!
How I love your blog. You just ooze creative brilliance out of every pore: writing, painting, photography and singing! A quadruple threat!
thank you for such a fine compliment, I was quite impressed with myself after reading it, and went off to portland feeling very confident.
content and on a budget seems a very sensible and joyful way to live.
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